Souvenir
by theimpossibleispossible
Summary: Amanda and Nick discover that they want to be more then friends, saying yes to love. Zara wants Nick home in L.A., and Amanda thinks he should go, though he numerously says no. Olivia regrets sleeping with Rafael, because soon she finds herself wanting to be more then "Friends with Benefits". Rafael finds out about these feelings, and is unsure on what to do.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Okay, so this is going to be Barson/Rollaro fanfiction, I hope you love it! It might seem more Barson heavy at first, but I can ensure that it will even out later on.**

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She searched for the soft sheet, it looked even whiter with the contrast of her soft tan skin. As she covered up, she began to bite her lip, she turned over to check on Rafael. His bare chest in the air, heart and chest still moving fast. A smile formed on Olivia's lips. She caressed his chest, and he opened his eyes in a glance. A stare she hated; his brown eyes piecing mad with violent green. "What's wrong?" she said as her voice grew hoarse and she attempted to place her head upon his chest. Rafael moved. His vibe pushing her to the side. Confused but understanding at the same time, she made her way back to the side of the bed which she borrowed. "Are you going to say anything?" Her back was to him, and so was part of her arse. Silence was his only answer. It bothered her a lot, the emptiness he displayed around her after having sex. It did not compare with his livelihood in the courtroom. A soft grumble, and her eyes were all over him. "What is it? What's wrong?... Are you not going to answer?" she asked in a bothered tone.

"Just go to sleep…" he said in a dread. His eyes rolling, like usual. He patted her head a couple of times, but it only made the small fire in Olivia grow out of control. She smacked him right in the shoulder, regretting the instant in which she lost herself. He grabbed her from her shoulders, pinning her down. Everything happened so fast, yet time froze when Rafael's steaming eyes met Olivia's. "I'm sorry…" he whispered, not being able to look at her, the shame bit at him.

Her hand caressed his face tenderly, and his grip was gone from her shoulders. "I shouldn't have punched you, not with that much force." She stood up, bare, looking for her clothes, she left to the living room and picked them off the floor. She decided to change in the middle of the living room, avoiding Rafael. A small laugh escaped her body as she thought about Rafael's frame on top of hers, he "pinning" her down. The door to Rafael's room opened, he was in a robe, with both hands in his pockets.

"Liv, are you going to stay, or should I drive you home?" he said inches from her face.

A mocking laugh, "I think you know better than to ask me that question. Of course I'm not going to stay. Lucy needs sleep…and" she withheld herself from saving more. "I'll call a cab." A simple nod was all she got from Rafael, how disappointing it was to her. Consciously she wanted him to ask her to stay, or beg her to take her home. Yet, he was letting go so easy. For a second, Olivia thought that maybe it was what happened in his bed, but then a dark and foggy thought made it clear that they were nothing, and it was because they were nothing, that he let her go.

The door was about to close, when something pushed Olivia to ask a question, which led to an answer that she did not want to hear, more so her heart. "Do you ever think of us as more than this? You and I without the sex, do you ever just think of me?" Rafael's jaw dropped, and no words made their way to Olivia's ears. It was that penetrating silence that she was so sick about, all she wanted was answers.

"Olivia, this isn't what we agreed upon. It be best if we talked about this later. You should just go." He began to close the door, but her foot stopped him. "What now!"

That didn't answer her question, but it hurt more than if he were to say that he didn't love her, that he had no feelings for her, or that he just liked screwing her. A tear began to form, somehow she gathered enough strength to say goodnight Rafael, but she was cut off by him slamming the door.

On both sides of the door there was pain, one filled with tears and the other with anger. Rafael's was set loose. His house was proof: a vase scattered on the floor, flowers randomly decorating the room, and water spilled on the delicate rug that would surely leave a stain. He hated himself, because he hurt her, made her feel used, and he played with her broken pieces. He swore he would never mess or play with them, because he knew she had suffered too much, too much suffer from too many people. Yet, he did not decline the invitation for there to be something more, instead he helped her built sandcastles in the air, only to see them fall apart. He thought of himself as a monster, but the thought of William Lewis popped up, and the old guilt was brought on top of his chest just like everything else. Rafael's hands went up to his face, "I'm worse than Lewis!"

Olivia felt a bit hollow, but seeing that face of her small tiny child almost seemed to fill her up. The night was restless, regret filled her body, and she should have asked those questions. Turning around, searching for the perfect spot to find sleep, but instead she found more tears. "Why am I so stupid?" she let out in a cry.

* * *

Early in the morning, minutes before her alarm clock rang, Olivia got a text in which Lucy, Noah's care giver, mentioned how she would not be able to take care of Noah due that she had a family emergency, and that she would let her know if she could take care of Noah the next day, as soon as she could. Olivia wanting to avoid looking for someone to take care of Noah, so she thought that it would be easiest just to take Noah to work, and so she did.

As soon as she stepped foot out of the elevator she noticed how everyone was taken by the small child in her arms, his eyes so alive and that tiny friendly smile of his. Amanda being there early like always was quick to take him from Olivia's arms. "I assume you won't be chasing anyone today, right Liv?" a smile appeared on both woman.

Olivia nodded, "Something around those lines…" Amanda began talking to Noah when Olivia interrupted their silly conversation, "Make sure everything is under control when you go talk to Jessica Laurillante's cousin. Keep the guys in their place, especially Nick."

Amanda's face became a bit red, "Umm Nick? Why Nick?"

"You know how he gets, just make sure he keeps his cool. I'm sorry I brought it up" Olivia said as she saw from the corner of her eye Nick and Carisi enter continuing their argument from yesterday. Both of them looked over and listened to their conversation. Nick looked up and saw Amanda was there with Noah in Amanda's arms dropped the topic with Carisi hovering over Olivia and Amanda with a smile on his face. His heart speed, seeing Amanda with the tiny child left his mind thinking what a beautiful mom she would make.

"Noah!" he approached Amanda squeezed Noah's cheeks not forgetting to mess up his hair.

"Gosh, Amaro, you know I comb his hair…" Olivia said with a grunt. Amanda noticed Noah stretching out for Nick, so she handed the child over to him. When their arms touched there was a slight pause, only detectable by them. They looked into each other's eyes and smiled.

After talking for a few minutes everyone left to their desks, the whole morning everyone was in and out, except Olivia and Noah. Nick and both Amanda were sitting, it had been a while since they started exchanging subtle glances. They only did this when they were the only ones there, and since Carisi was out with Fin, they couldn't help it. It had been a while since Nick was planning the perfect way to ask Amanda to get a cup of coffee. He was over thinking it, so he decided just to let it out "Want some coffee?"

"Yeah?" both of them got up, meeting at the table where the coffee was at, "Nick? Why don't we get a coffee across the street you know where they have the blue cups and…" she paused herself, thinking she was coming on too strong, "Well, you know I'm tired of Fin's Caribbean blend that he bought."

"Hahaha, Yeah," a smile sparked up in his face, "I'm pretty sure he just brought it over so he wouldn't have to throw it away." Amanda laughed really loud, feeling nervous, people turned their heads, and Nick smiled even wider. They grabbed their coats and they were on their way out. They spotted Barba as he climbed the stairs, and decided not stop and say hello, because a warm cup of coffee awaited them. Nick was glad he asked Amanda for a cup of coffee, it was always nice having her as company, even though they did have their moments. As they got out of the building he noticed how her deep blue eyes looked so beautiful in the sun. "Your eyes, their so blue." Amanda nodded not helping but to laugh.

He did not stop starring, "Stop!" she said feeling how much she was blushing, "Why are you looking at me like that?" she said acting freaked out.

"It's just they are so blue, are they supposed to be this blue?"

Amanda smiled, "Their eyes, just eyes." And they continued their path into the coffee shop disappearing behind the corner.

* * *

Once Rafael made it to his destination, after climbing a few flight of stairs, he noticed no one was there and Olivia's door was closed, he crept over to where the blinds were and took a peak, and there she was. He took a deep breath knocked on the door, with the hand in which his suitcase did not drag in. Hearing her voice welcoming him in, he opened the door. There he found Noah in Olivia's lap playing with what seemed to be toy cellphone and small pieces of pink baby food for snaking. Her face was buried into her work, she wrote something more and looked up. "Are you busy sergeant?"

Olivia took off her glasses, "No, not really, why?" she said in a cold voice.

"Ohh okay… How is the case going, any new evidence?" he asked trying to keep his cool.

"Everything is going fine, I was going to have Amanda and Nick send you everything we found regarding the rape… but since you're here you could ask them for it."

Rafael laughed, "Too bad they aren't here."

Noah gabbed Olivia's glasses and she smiled, "Little mister, what you got there?" Noah handed Olivia her glasses, "Glasses, thank you." And she kissed the top of his head.

Rafael was getting a little frustrated, so then said, "Your detectives aren't here…" in an upset tone.

"That's odd." Olivia stood up, feeling awkward because of the way Rafael was looking down at her. Noah rubbed his head on his mom's shoulder and laid a kiss there too. If Rafael hadn't parted the way they did he would have said something about what a great mom she is or how adorable the two of them are. Instead he swallowed his words, and nodded with a blank look on his face waiting for an answer. "You should come back later, I'm sure you will. Want to make that case, don't you? That's all you want; to make a case."

Rafael stuttered to make a comeback, something that was so unusual to him, "I- I," he said as he stepped closer to her, "you know that's not true." Olivia shook her head not believing him. Rafael grabbed Noah's hand, "Adiós campión…" and left without another word. [Translation of {Adiós campión…} is {Goodbye champion…}]

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 **AN: Please Follow and Review, please**

 **AN2: OMG I seriously didn't realize how badly I messed up! Instead of Barson in the AN before I said Bensaro! That must have been so confusing! I'm really sorry by the way. I will post the next chapter sometime this week. I actually got into writing this weekend, I'm so excited to share what is next Don't forget to comment, I love hearing what you guys have to say!**


	2. Chapter 2

An: These characters belong to Mr. Dick

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The lady at the cash register looked at Nick wondering if Amanda was going to buy anything, "Are you guys buying together or separate?" Nick and Amanda looked at one another, wondering who would speak first.

Nick cleared his throat, "Amanda, you had the idea, let me buy you something."

"No, it's fine Nick, I'll pay."

"Please let me pay this time, I already have…" he reached into his pocket to pull out a credit card, "my card out." He smiled at her setting it down, "What do you want?"

Amanda's pink lips once more curved up, "Same thing as you, just a small please." Nick smiled signed and they both casually went to go sit at a table. Their coffee's came and the silence between them continued, yet this wasn't the uncomfortable silence, it was silence filled with tranquility. Between sips and stares there was more subtle glances, like the ones they gave each other at their desks. Nick noticed how Amanda grabbed his hand, "What happened?" she said running her thumb over a wide cut that started from the side of his wrist to his pinky finger. The cut was deep, and he was unsure to tell her the truth.

"It's a stupid story," he grabbed her hand as he felt her touch start to fade, "cardboard box and a pocket knife. I was so anxious to open up that new T.V., I got my own hand." Amanda smiled.

"We should bring our work over here when Carisi gets all annoying." Amanda said, looking down at their hands, trying to engrave this moment into her head.

Nick was relieved, "What… All this time Fin told me you liked him." Amanda cringed her nose.

"I thought he was nice looking, but no. Me and Carisi never-"

Nick let go of her hand, "Good." He took another sip from his coffee, as hope dwelled inside his body. She grabbed his hand again, this surprised him, "Your…" Nick didn't want to confess to her yet, not without knowing what she thought of him, "You're paying next time." Amanda nodded feeling butterflies in her stomach, knowing there was going to be a next time. She felt like a stupid teenager.

The rest of the time there, they spoke, Amanda especially. Nick really loved how much Amanda had opened to him that day, about her sister, about home, even briefly about why she left Georgia. Time flew by so fast, Nick bought Olivia a coffee because he knew she would be mad for their long absence. On their way out Nick tenderly felt Amanda's cheek, as a result the way back was awkward.

* * *

"Two hours…" Olivia said as she saw Nick and Amanda sit down in their desks, Noah was being fussy on Olivia's hip.

Nick stood up, "Liv, we brought you this." He handed her the coffee, "I'm sure nothing happened while we were gone." Olivia nodded, then thinking about Rafael and their conversation.

"Barba needs to know what else you guys found out regarding the rape, don't forget to tell him about the possible witness." Nick and Amanda nodded, watching as Olivia struggled with Noah in her arms. His cry wasn't like most babies, high pitched and loud, it was soft but still sorrowful. "I'm going to take Noah out for a walk around the block, don't leave again…" her eyes rolled.

It was so cold outside, unlike yesterday, when the sun was shining. Just remembering about the sun brought back the memory of yesterday and how she was looking out at the sun through her window when Rafael invited her over to his place at night. She tried shaking the memory off like a bad dream, but it helped her in no way. Her jaw became tense as she remembered last night, Rafael pouring more wine into her cup, kissing her in many fashions before they got to his bed. Noah's cry brought her back into reality, she then began to start walking around, asking him if he wanted to go to the park. He refused to cooperate, so she made her way back into her office.

* * *

Rafael was greeted by the squad when he entered, Amanda and him made small talk about the weather and how crazy it was. Olivia stepped out with Noah in her hands unaware that Rafael was there, her heart dropped when she saw that dark gray suit and this black classy foot wear. Noah's cry made Rafael look back, he saw the infant's eyes so red, and Olivia's face in frustration. Nick stood up, asking Olivia if she needed a break, she agreed and Nick took Noah into his arms, "What's wrong little guy?" and Noah listened, pausing his cry. Amanda stepped aside from Rafael and stood next to Nick admiring his magic with kids.

"Gosh Nick, thank you." Amanda said as she put her hand on his shoulder, "Was getting tired of his little chirps." Nick laughed looking at her with his mischievous stare.

Rafael cleared his throat, feeling a bit of jealousy stir through his veins, somehow wishing he was the one who took that frown off of Olivia's face. "Since your detectives are busy do you mind giving me a brief explanation," he turned over to Olivia and saw her nod, "also I need to talk to you about something else, do you mind if we speak in your office?"

She didn't answer but made her way over to her office, signaling at him to come. They were both seated, a few seconds of silence ticked by before Olivia spoke, "The DNA in there is all his, everything. The thing is, it seems we might have a potential witness, the man next door… I just don't know if he wants to testify… Also, Jessica fears her cousin may have left to Spain or Germany."

"That isn't good. Get the man to testify and you have a case… Also please try to get the guy in here to interview him." Rafael said with no emotion.

"Yeah, whatever makes your case…right?" Olivia said nodding hoping he would leave before her eyes became watery. Rafael, slapped the table, with such force it made Olivia jump. "What's the matter Ra- ADA?"

Rafael looked her dead in the eye, "let's keep it professional shall we, keep your indirect comments to yourself, will ya' Sergeant?"

She nodded, her face reflected embarrassment and sadness. He got up and left not forgetting to ask Amanda for the official papers about what Sergeant Benson and he had just discussed. Before he left he noticed how if he hadn't known Noah was Olivia's son, Nick and Amanda would look like his parents. Amanda and Nick were soon interrupted by Olivia who said she was going to head out early because of Noah and she then thanked them kindly for helping her out. She suggested that they should leave early, to let Carisi and Fin finish up. They agreed, and the three of them cleaned up and walked out together.

Nick and Amanda stood outside talking, trying to hold off on the idea of saying goodbye. Yet, all sweet things must come to an end, just like the coffee from earlier that day, "You need a ride home?" he asked, then focusing on her necklace.

"Sure," she grabbed his hand, the one with the scar, "I still can't believe you did this to yourself, Nick." Her voice was soft and mellow. He let out his deep laugh and they made their way over to his car. On the way to Amanda's place, Amanda kept caressing Nick's scar, at one point he gave up and let her hold on to his hand the whole time, using only one hand when driving. It was as if Amanda were obsessed with that part of Nick, but in reality she was obsessed with him as a whole, everything, even his flaws. The only thing holding her back was the fear that doesn't feel the same way, the fear of making a clown out of herself. A tear or two slip from Amanda's eyes, and then a whimper that made Nick take his eyes off of the road. Worried about what was wrong he pulled over, still only using one arm.

Nick wiped her tears, usually he would just be direct and ask what's wrong, but he now has known for too long that saying that will not help. "Let it out," he says holding her hand tightly, so tight he fears that if he doesn't hold on, she will flee.

"That's it…" she says, "It's just a few tears. I'm sorry I made you pull over." Nick nodded and they were back on the road, still driving with just one arm. They arrived at Amanda's place, and both got off. Amanda invited Nick to stay for dinner. Nick the bright sunset, he wanted to mention it's beauty, but before he could say anything, "Nick, look the sky it's so beautiful." He heard a gasp, "Pink and orange clouds, when else do we have the chance to see that?"

* * *

Rafael knocked on Olivia's door, unsure if she was home, for it was only six, and sometimes she wasn't home until very late. He knocked his knuckles hurting, noticing he might have knocked too hard. It usually took a while for Olivia to open the door, but today it seemed as if she were standing right by. "Can I come in?" he said.

"Yeah, yeah…" she opened the door wider, letting him in her messy home, Noah was on the floor playing with his toys as if nothing mattered, so entertained by the various shapes and colors. "Do you want something to drink?"

He shook his head, taking a seat, cleaning off Noah's toys from the couch, then finally taking a seat. Olivia sat next to him, bringing Noah into her arms. "I'm sorry about my behavior at work today, Liv." He tried holding her hand but she denied him that special privilege.

"I feel like in a way I started it…" she said uncertain, "maybe I got confused or I don't know."

"Not just about work, but also about last night. You know I had just lost an important case… I was mad, and I took it out on you" he fabricated.

Olivia nodded, "Then why did you ask me to come over…" Her strained voice revealed hidden sadness and fatigue. Rafael smiled at her, but she didn't. He quickly knew there was something deeply wrong with her. Knowing he was partially responsible for whatever was wrong, he felt a kick in the stomach and became nervous.

"I called you because I lost the case and I wanted to talk about it with someone, you Liv. I wanted us to just talk and forget about everything. I just wanted to the whole loss behind." He took a breath, "But then we started kissing… and you know how that usually ends up." He regretted telling her that, and questioned himself if he said too much.

Olivia's murky soft brown eyes lit up, acknowledging what Rafael had said was true. "I know," she said in a soft inaudible voice, but then a smile appeared in her face.

Rafael caressed her face, unlike with her hand, Olivia let herself be caressed. Her eyes were tired and Noah was asleep. It would have been the perfect time to walk out, but Rafael stayed. Rafael usually ran away from emotions and feelings, but not that day. Noah was put to bed, and on his lap there was a pillow where Olivia's head lay peacefully. The television was on, but the conversation between Rafael and Olivia was what really set the ambient of the room. Olivia's eyes were closed shut and Rafael just talked to her. Part of him wanted to stay with her the whole night, because it wasn't like her not to say anything. He felt there was something wrong beyond emotional needs and it worried him.

"You okay?" he asked worried. Olivia did her best to fight the fatigue, but failed, because Rafael suspected something.

"I'm so tired… My whole body aches." She said looking right at his hazel green eyes. Rafael planted a kiss on Olivia's temple and whispered goodnight and left her to sleep. Olivia fell asleep right on the couch, remembering how warm she was when he was with her. Rafael and his words stirred in her mind, and the conclusion she made was that it was best if they went their separate ways, though he never answered her question. Her eyelids closed completely and the next day she was running late.

Rafael felt like a jerk leaving her, but he didn't want to get in her way. He only wanted to be a friend to her now. He wanted her to find someone else, so that he wouldn't hurt her anymore.

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AN: More ROLLARO coming soon, I promise. Zara is going to come soon, I promise. I will probably post after the 14th. I have to study up for that AP exam. Pretty please, Review! I love to see what you all have to say.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hey, I'm sorry, I wanted to catch up on some drawings. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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Nick awkwardly glanced at Amanda's living room, the sofa was so uncomfortable. He really hated her decision in getting a new one. He really couldn't sit still, and Amanda was taking a long time changing. He smirked thinking about how that would look. His eyes grew bigger imagining that beautiful petite woman in only her underwear, too many indecent thoughts ran through his mind as he jumped up when Amanda grasped his shoulder.

"What toppings you want on that pizza though?" Amanda's hips swayed as she leaned over to get her phone. Nick said he didn't care that anything was fine, he was too busy looking at her glorious body and it was evident that she noticed it also. So she went to the kitchen to call, stepping foot into the living room she saw how Franny had just decided to abandon Nick. She sat down next to him, the way the sofa was made, Nick and Amanda's hips crashed into each other in the middle. "Hmmm, so how's Zara?"

"In Los Angeles. Amanda, you know I-"

"Don't trust that city? I know, I wouldn't either, if I was in your position." She said grabbing his hand with the scar. The way Amanda looked at it, it seemed as if she wanted to kiss it. Her chest filled with air and disappointment. Then he kissed her. How? Nick crashed his lips into hers, and instantly their lips were under a spell in which they could not separate, for if they did, then they would die. Yet, they did not die when their lips became two again, what a pleasant surprise it was. "Nick," she said as he pulled her into his chest. Her bright blue eyes looking right at him, lips quivering and stuttering. "A-"

Nick hushed her, his lips slowly grazing her forehead, "I've wanted to do that for a really long time," she nodded, her smile stretching as wide as her heart, "you too?" Her response was a soft kiss that only brushed his lips, luring him for more. That's when Nick's hand was grasped by Amanda-.

"Me too, even if we're are not supposed to."

* * *

Couple of Months Later

Rafael looked at Nick Amaro, frustrated, Olivia was nowhere to be seen and though they weren't in speaking terms, he still had to communicate with her about Jessica's case. He got in contact with the medical doctor, Santiago Reed, but yet he was not there and he was next to testify. Nick continued to talk to Amanda, flirting, laughing, and Rafael was tired of waiting for the right moment to interject. He called out his name twice, but both Amaro and Rollins seemed too intrigued about what seemed so funny. Rafael dropped his briefcase and ran his fingers through his hair once more before he got in Amaro's face. "Amaro, where on earth is your sergeant? Where is Doctor Reed?

Nick surprised by Rafael's frustration stuttered before he could spit out a few sentences, "Well, the last time I saw them they were down at the coffee shop near the precinct." Amanda rolled her eyes, referring to Rafael. Barba nodded picking up his briefcase and disappearing down the hall.

"What was up with him?"

"Stress, I guess…" Nick replied.

Amanda bit her lip, "Where were we?" she said referring to the topic they were discussing prior to Rafael's little scene.

Benson and Reed were walking up the stairs of the courthouse as Barba opened the door that led outside. "ADA, Barba," the doctor said, stretching his hand out to shake Barba's. Rafael stood there with his mouth wide open, and soon Oliva commenced to think that it was rude of Rafael to shake his hand. Rafael shook his hand- and nodded his head. "Sorry for the delay."

"Yeah." Barba said as the three of them rushed to the courtroom, "You both did know it started," he looked at his watch on his wrist, "almost an hour ago?"

"That's the reason for the apology." Reed said a bit bothered. Rafael was such a nice guy the other day, when they had just met, and now he was being an ass.

Barba nodded and left both Olivia and the doctor behind, getting to his spot in the courtroom. Santiago Reed answered all the questions given by Rafael and the unprepared attorney. He glanced at Olivia once or twice, and Rafael being attentive as always, captured those glances and made his own assumptions about them. It stung him a little, but he knew that it was best to let her go. That is what he wanted, to see her happy with someone else, even though it hurt like hell. It was precisely that moment that he understood that did indeed love her. He admitted to the feelings he tried to deny, but now it was too late. Rafael's mind raced with tactics which he planned to use, to avoid seeming jealous, if the three of them were to ever cross paths. Rafael shook his head, remembering that Warner was only on vacation and Reed was covering for her.

"What do you think?" Olivia said with still words, interrupting Rafael's thoughts.

He swallowed hard, "I, I think," he processed what he was going to say, "he did fine." Oliva's eyebrow lifted.

"I mean about the trial so far, do you think she has a chance." Her voice sounded concerned and nervous.

Rafael continued stuffing his briefcase, finally closing it shut, "We wouldn't be here if I thought otherwise, sergeant." He began to walk away, hoping that she would say something else, to make him stay.

"True." She cleared her throat, " I need to talk to you about something, it's important." She said looking at his back. He turned around, and soon she was left without words. Rafael was almost outside, and the space between them was too much to continue any kind of conversation. She caught up to him, "It's about Noah and the adoption. Also…" She paused, the fear of telling him about their unborn child paralyzed her. The way in which they parted was blurry, and she lost hope in reading his feelings. That is why she became cold with him, and then he was ice. It was so hard to believe the small warmth they had created, left no trace. Except for what was to come in several months. That is why she had to tell him, that he was to be a father. "The thing is, I-"

"I'm not a family lawyer, but I'd be glad to help you out with that issue." The shards of ice in his voice were gone, a long stare endured them both.

Olivia cleared her throat gently, "What time would work for you?"

"Whenever you're not busy."

"Ohh" she laughed, "I think you know when that is. Nothing has changed" she said as her voice ceased.

"The thing is, I'm not so sure about that." He said putting on his guard again, suggesting he knows about the relationship between Olivia and Dr. Reed, which Rafael himself has fabricated.

Olivia confused, "Well, umm," she thought, "you're right, something has changed." Her lips barely curved into a smile.

Rafael nodded, "Then when should I stop by?"

"This evening, please." He nodded and promised to be there, all that was left was her whispering "Thanks." She smiled genuinely, watching as he parted.

* * *

Amanda stepped foot back into her room, when Nick's hands were already around her waist again, "Mmm Nick, I just showered." She escaped his arm, and her wet hair slapped Nick right in the face, making him go after her again. Amanda was looking for some underwear, while Nick kissed her shoulder and neck. "Stop…" she said.

"Only if you let me choose what you wear." He said as he grasped a pink thong and a black bra. He looked around the room in search of other clothing articles.

"Nick, my shirts are over here." He nodded, leaving to the living room. Amanda thought he only wanted her to wear a thong and bra, so she started changing. Once she finished she went out to the living room, only to find it empty, like a few months before. Ever since "something" occurred between the two, Nick was at her house almost on the daily. She knew he would come back, it was just the waiting part she didn't like. Amanda's eyes grew big when the thought of Nick surprising her with something. "Let it not be more lacy lingerie" she said softly. The seconds felt like minutes, and they only kept ticking away.

Amanda got up, and Nick entered again, right on cue. In his hand he had a white sweatshirt, it was big and it for sure was going to fit her big. He kept walking up to her, he kissed her softly, putting the sweatshirt gently on her. It fit her like a dress. Nick kissed her on her neck. "N.A." was sown on the corner, in tiny letters. "Nick Amaro?" she said.

"Nick and Amanda, actually. I know you don't want anyone to know, yet." He said as he carried her to the sofa. When he sat down she made her way to rest her head on his lap. It's not that she didn't want anyone to know, it's that if they knew, they would no longer get to see each other. Amanda knows she would miss seeing his brown eyes, his sexy smile and his annoying foot tapping.

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AN: I promise a longer chapter next time. I just knew I had to post something. Your reviews are greatly appreciated, and I hope that you have enjoyed this chapter. Sorry I took so long to post something.


	4. Chapter 4

"So how is Zara?" Amanda asked, as she rubbed Nick's shoulders softly from behind the other side of the sofa. Her lips placed behind his neck, she laid a soft kiss. He grasped her wrists as her hands sneakily went for his chest.

Nick swallowed, "Zara, she's fine, the same you know...She wants me to go to California," Nick said turning around to look at Amanda in the eyes, he let out a sigh, "I just don't want to cause of," he kissed her hands. Amanda bent down a bit and kissed his forehead, his arms pulled her on to the other side of the sofa. Her head landed on his chest. "you, Amanda. You're what keeps me here." His voice sounded so sexy, Amanda couldn't help but to grind up his body until their lips touched once again. "Wow. Now, I'll never leave, not even to visit Cali." He said kissing her again.

"Wait, does Zara want you to move to California?" Amanda asked, backing away from Nick.

Nick half smiled, "Yeah, but I'm sure that a quick visit will solve the problem. Don't you think?"

"No, I don't. She needs her dad, she's just a growing girl Nick. Now is when she needs a father figure the most, you can't seriously be saying that about your daughter?" Amanda scoffed, loudly (as always). Nick shook his head, pulling Amanda closer, but she stood up. "What about Gil, or are you going to tell me that you forgot about your son." Amanda felt like she was "over-doing" whatever she started. "Nick, If I were you, I'd move to California and be with my kids… Even if I had cute blonde detective by my side." Her voice sounded more calm and a tiny smile appeared on her lips.

Nick reached out for her hand, "She's more than just a cute blonde detective." Amanda sighed, walking into the kitchen, leaving Nick behind.

"You're missing the point, Nick," she said as her eyes became glassy, "You're missing the most important years of their lives, I don't want you to regret that. When they look back, don't you want them to think of their father being there, not thousands of miles away. Don't you think they know that you can be a detective in California too… You don't think Zara knows that we're dating, when you're at my house almost every time she calls, you don't think that she's mad or-"

"Just stop," Nick said as she made her way back to the living room.

Amanda shook her head, "Nick," she sat next to him, "You-"

"I know…" his voice was almost inaudible, She rested her head on his shoulder, feeling as he kissed the top of her head. She returned the kiss, by placing her lips upon his lips. Her teeth bit his bottom lip slowly.

"Nick," she said, "please just love me before you leave."

Nick kissed her slowly, "Amanda, just let me love you right now." He said kissing her neck so tenderly. He knew today wasn't going to be one of those crazy nights. He kissed her chin as she pecked his nose. Hands on her waist and both of them were up from the sofa. Amanda and Nick kissing non stop, clumsily making their way to Amanda's bed. She on top, contemplating his face, "Nick," kisses peppered his face, "Ohh, Nick." she said.

"Amanda, I love you."

"I know." her lips brushing softly on top of his, with her lips still on his, "Love you, too."

* * *

Olivia looked in the mirror noticing that she was not in the best age to have a child, her hands went to where her womb was. It was real, six different pregnancy tests did not leave any chance for there to be a mistake. Noah would have a sibling, she would need a new apartment. Just as the thought of needing a new place fled, the doorbell rang. She walked over to the door, opening it and staring right into Rafael's eyes. "Come in, I didn't expect you to be here so soon." Her voice sounded weak, and Noah's cries weren't much help either. She left Rafael in the living room, going to cease her baby's cries. He nodded gently, placing his briefcase on the sofa. He remembered of the night he came to talk to her and they almost fell asleep on it, it was such an emotionally draining day.

"Ohh look who's here!" Olivia said pointing out to Rafael, as he smiled, looking at the Noah. Gosh how he loved that little boy, though he never said it. Noah's face lightened up a bit, and his arms stretched towards Rafael. They sat down and began talking about the last details about Noah's adoption. Noah on the other hand was busy playing in the ocean of toys, which Olivia would need to clean up.

"You know you should really get a family lawyer, I mean I'm more of a-"

"I already have one," she said looking at Rafael's face. It seemed so tired and he needed to shave. Her hand grabbed his cheek, "I just wanted you to make sure everything is okay."

"Yeah," Rafael said, noticing her hand on his face, "Olivia, I think that-"

"Are you okay?" she interrupted, leaving the adoption conversation behind. He noticed how worried she was, it hurt them both. He hurt because she noticed and therefore his ego was crushed, and she hurt because it's normal to hurt when someone you love is not okay. "Please talk to me. I've only noticed it recently, what's happening, Raf?"

He nervously laughed, "Gosh Olivia, since when do you care so much about me." His eyes met hers, and then the wall was melted.

"Since… I need to tell you something, but before I do, I want to know what is going on with you." She squeezed his hand, and he quickly refused the gesture, hiding behind that god damn ice wall. "Barba."

He sighed, "I'm fine, I've just been out late, drinking and… I've been drinking a lot lately, and I-" he stopped himself. "I should stop."

"Yeah, and try getting some sleep too. I have no idea how you manage to stay awake during the trial today."

"Hmm, yeah. So what was that you wanted to tell me." Olivia smiled briefly, looking down at Noah.

Her eyes met Rafael's and she hesitated, "I'm- You remember the last night we spent together," she managed to say.

"Yes… why?" Rafael answered curiously.

"Well, I'm pregnant." Rafael did not move nor breathe, he didn't do anything of the sort, because he was registering in his mind over and over what Olivia had just said. After he took a deep breath of air in, he let it go, and remained silent. Olivia awaited his answer, and baby Noah held on to her knee as he continued his walk along the perimeter of the sofa. His tiny hand pressed upon Rafaels, and his hands begged Rafael to pull him up.

"Uhh-p, up." he continued to say until Rafael took him into his arms, letting the child crawl over to his mother. Olivia looked into rafael's eyes, and it was painful to see him say nothing. Noah grabbed Olivia's cheeks "Ma." he said, and Olivia kissed his nose, avoiding Rafaels eyes.

Rafael wanted to say a million things, but he didn't know where to start. He noticed her avoiding his glances, so her grabbed her knee, "Wh- when did you find out?"

"Saturday." she said, still not looking at him.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he said.

Olivia scoffed, looking over at him.

"I'm in shock!" he yelled, "I'm sorry…" he then rested his elbows on his knees and his face on his hands. "Olivia," he mumbled, "I'm so sorry, I'm just in shock."

Olivia put Noah down, her hands on Rafael's back, moving softly over his suit, she grabbed the top button and unbuttoned it. He took it off, and then he felt her hands unbuttoning a few buttons of his shirt. "Just try to relax, I need you. I need you alive to raise this child," she paused, "If you even want our child."

"Don't say that!" he said, "Of course I want our baby." he said. "Now, have you gone to see a doctor yet? I want to be there." He looked at her deeply, but she broke that contact, looking down with sadden eyes. "Wait." he said gripping her chin, he lifting her head, until their eyes met again. "Do you want to have our baby?"

"Yes, of course. I just thought you-"

Rafael grabbed her hand, "You can't go around assuming, sergeant Benson." A smile appeared in both of their faces. Where was that wall?

Olivia laughed,"Neither can you."

"So about two months, right?" he said gesturing at Olivia's stomach, "Our baby, is he or she," Barba smiled at the possibility of it being a baby girl, "two months."

"Just a little past that." her hands went to her not yet noticeable baby bump. "Rafael, are you going to tell anyone about our baby, like your mom?"

He softly chuckled, "I kind of have to, you don't mind right?"

"No, she should know." a little pause, a tiny gasp of air, "Can I be there?" she asked as she tried to hide the smile upon her lips. Rafael nodded running his fingers down the lock of hair that escaped her ponytail. "Thank you." she whispered, eyes locked with his. After a few moments of him contemplating her face, he stood up looking at the watch on his wrist.

He didn't want to leave, but tomorrow morning was another important trial and he was to make a few phone calls to ensure the witnesses would not fail or if they had any questions. "I have to make sure everything will be as planned, at Rosa's trial." She stood up, walking him over to the door. "Let's talk same time tomorrow, Liv?" She nodded, not even trying to hide that smile. He grasped her cheek once more and left.

* * *

It was nearly midnight when Rafael had half of the bottle running through his veins, his body limp lying on the sofa. His eyes shut, breath shallow, he did it again. He felt his head spinning, closing his eyes, hoping that the hangover would not be so noticeable. That's when the thought of Olivia popped into his head, he remembered what she said yesterday about his drinking, and then about their baby. "Fuck." he mostly slurred. "I'm gunna fuck it all up."

* * *

Amanda made her way back to the bedroom with a glass of water never parting from her lips. She sat with her legs crossed, watching how Nick's body rise and fall. Her palm stroked his bare back, as she set down the glass of water on her side of the bedstand. She got under the sheets kissing Nick's shoulder, her lips brushing along his shoulder as she whispered, "Please stay with me a little longer. This just started… and I don't want you to go just yet." He began to turn slowly, but never waking up. She kissed his temple, "Love you, night."

* * *

Her mind couldn't stop wondering of what was to happen in the next months. So many changes, and then she would have her baby in her arms. Olivia knew it would be difficult negotiating with Rafael, over who knows what. Yet, she was glad that he was going to be there, and soon they would tell his mother. A smile appeared on her face. Deep down the reason why she wanted to go with Rafael was because she just wanted to tell someone about her baby, it was so hard keeping such news to herself.

* * *

NIck resisted not saying that he loved her too, he bit his lip, and continued his "sleep". Feeling as she turned around and her hair whipped him on the face. He had heard everything that she said, and it hurt, because after the discussion today he was considering leaving. Yet, the woman that laid next to him, what would happen to her is he were to leave? His eyes shut tightly, as if it here to swipe the thought from his head. His children were once close to him, and the woman he crushed on was so distant with him. Now, he loved the woman he once crushed on, in all the aspects of the word. The only problem, his children were across such distance.

* * *

I'm so sorry. It's just that I took a class over the last month, you know, to get ahead in school. Unfortunately I fell behind on this. I really hope that you liked this Chapter. The next few chapters (which are in my mind, not written already) will be crucial to the story, so don't forget to stay tuned in. I will most likely post in a week or so, please review. Your comments are so inspiring at times :)


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